Table of Contents:
I.  Introduction to Conflict Management

VII. Cultural Considerations

Excerpts:

Chapter 3: The Four Approaches to Resolving Conflict and Negotiating with Clients

Strategies for Negotiating with Those who use Allowing Style

To know what to do, first you must determine why you think they are operating from this style.  I say this because there are times when controlling style persons will masquerade as allowing; it can be an excellent delaying tactic.  I call this “the wolf in sheep’s clothing” approach. 

How can you tell the difference? 

§  A controlling style person would impersonate another style as a deliberate tactic because he or she thinks that tactic will increase their chances of winning the negotiation. 

§  A true allowing soul is rarely so ambitious.  They genuinely hate conflict, or believe they are incapable of dealing with it; as a result, they will try to avoid any interaction that could bring their anxiety to the surface. 

Assuming we have a genuine allowing style operating here, there are two key ways this person will conduct himself:

1.     You are giving them difficult news that puts them at fault and there is little resistance.  They “allow” you to run the show, as we discussed above, and agree to whatever they think you want.

2.     They passively resist.  Either they keep agreeing to meetings but then cancel, or they agree to take certain actions but don’t follow through (always with excuses).  Or, they say they will do something but, when the agreement is confirmed later (say, at a closing meeting), they split hairs.  “I said that I agreed this control is weak and that something needs to be done about it.  I did not actually agree that we would do it.”

     They do both 1 and 2! 

How to Handle the Allowing Style

1.     Speak up and reiterate the situation and what you want them to do.  Make sure they understand what they are committing to.  Get it in writing.  Follow up with an email summarizing who’s agreed to do what and by when.

“I know, I know,” you’re thinking.  “But why on earth would I ever want to stop someone who agrees with everything I say, and says yes to everything I want them to do?”  There are two good reasons.  First, some people really misunderstand your request(s).  Or they do understand and acquiesce, planning to ignore you later.  If you don’t double check their understanding of what you want and they truly come from this style, I guarantee there will be problems later.

2.     When people sacrifice too much, you should jump in and suggest alternatives that will make the decision one that has more mutual benefit.  Doing this will greatly increase the chances of developing a stronger and more collaborative relationship. 

3.     Remember, as an auditor you have leverage.  Use it wisely to either hold them to their word, or to genuinely help them feel that the playing field is more level, thus encouraging greater openness and honesty.  If you must be a dictator, be a benevolent one.

Chapter 5: Listening and Advanced Communication Skills

Advanced Skills:  Listening for Voice and Words, Thought and Emotion, Behavior and Interpretations

Sophisticated communication skills can help internal auditors achieve their goals with more consistency and less stress. Being able to apply advanced listening skills to all important conversations can make the challenges facing auditors far more manageable.  The goal here is not to use these techniques to play “gotcha,” but to interpret more accurately and better understand the auditees.  If they are hiding something, the collaborative approach with good listening skills will do more to encourage them to open up than playing games.  Here are a few of the more important subtle listening skills.

§  Listen for Voice

Many people know that they need to watch their body language.  Most, however, don’t realize how much their voice can give away.  The actual words used do not make as much of an impact as the tone that goes with the words.  Here are some suggestions:

o   Qualifiers:   Earlier, we looked at how using qualifiers in wording can make a person sound less certain.  We can also create a tone of uncertainty in our voice.  For example, shifting your voice up at the end of a sentence so that a direct statement sounds like a question is a common way to imply you are looking for collaboration.  Example: “I suggest we move along to the next item?”  Be careful that you don’t use it too frequently.  Also be careful not to sound condescending, so that the words “I suggest we move along to the next item” (with an uplift of voice at the end) implies “Are we ready to move on?” and not “Are you done whining yet?”

o   Words that are emphasized: “I am really concerned about your behavior” vs. “I am really concerned about your behavior” gives a completely different meaning. 

o   Leaning in or leaning back combined with increased or decreased emotion: Leaning in while talking calmly gives one message; leaning in while talking intensely, stressing various words. gives another.

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